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Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Author unknown....

BIGDEN

Ahhh, as a retired banker, I really appreciate a good lawyer joke!

THE BEST LAWYER STORY SO FAR.......from the wife of a lawyer!!


One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind.Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my
place............
The grass is almost a foot high."


>< Contessa

THUS FAR, NO FURTHER

A prosecuting attorney in Barbados called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Ms. Jones, do you know me?
"She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Ms. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst on the entire island. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both
counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for
contempt!"

Cute one, Wendy. That sure has made it's mark......I've heard it from Georgia thru Tennessee!! I guess there are 'bad boys' everywhere!!


Contessa